Wednesday, 2 April 2014
Sunday, 16 May 2010
I finally got home, and kept thinking about hot guy. He told me his name(both first and last), I told him my first name. I searched for him on both facebook, twitter and google but seemed a good number of people had that same first and last name.
I remembered I had called my housemate with his phone, and took my housemate's phone to get his number. lol. Crazy I know. I sent him a text thanking him for his help.(An opportunity for contact. lol). In one of his texts, he wrote he was still here if I needed anything. hmmm. I didn't tell him my last name, so it seems he went on facebook and searched for everyone with my first name, cos he sent me a message asking if I was the one (my profile picture was set to private so only my friends could see it). I replied and he added me. After accepting his friend request I checked out his profile, and low and behold I found out hot guy was married! I was crushed. Aarrgghh! I wish I found him first. lol! Lucky lady. But o well, I'll get over it. I wondered why he showed interest, and even wanted to meet up. If I like someone or if I'm attracted to someone, once I find out they're married or even have a gf I lose interest. Cos I have no business liking someone else's husband or bf.
So every contact hot guy made with me, I made it as plain and friendly as possible.
On his facebook page, hot guy was always writing on his statuses about how much he loves his wife and all. Recently I was online on facebook chat(which is a rarity for me), and hot guy started chatting with me. It started as a normal conversation and he diverted and said I was very beautiful, and that he always wanted to say something/do something to me. I had to ask him if he was drunk! Men are something else! When I first met hot guy, I was attracted to him and thought he was goodlooking, but I didn't go thinking nasty thoughts of him, while he actually thought nasty thoughts and was suggesting acting it out. Geez! and he's claiming he loves his wife and blah blah. Men. smh. He said he has feelings for me and he knows I do too. I told him the fact he is married changes everything, and he's like it doesn't change how we feel and that the way we met(which was very random)/our meeting was God's plan. I'm like God's plan does not include me having an affair with a married man! People use the whole its God's plan line, but using it in this situation was ludicrous! I've made a mental note to self to avoid hot guy and never to accept any free car rides from him. This validates the fact that men are highly unfaithful beings. To their friends he acts like they're the perfect couple and all lovey dovey, and yet hitting on me (and possibly other women) without his wife's knowledge. If he loves his wife like he proclaims he does, then he shouldn't be having feelings for other women. So if I was that kind of girl and gave in, thats how their marriage will just get ruined. I'm not that type. In this new age of technology, men find it easier to cheat. All it takes is one message or chat to set up a meeting. Its scary. It makes me wonder how many percent of men are faithful. I know its a few, I hope I marry one of the few faithful type. God save us from unfaithful men and cheats. Hot guy is married, he should stick to his spouse. N.B: The pictures are of hot guy. I wiped out his face though.
I moved to a new house last october, and that house happened to be right up the hill, close to the top. Walking home was exhausting cos not only was it 20 mins away but its also hilly. I had a hard time recognising the house at first. After I moved in, on the second day I came back from school and guess what?! I couldn't recognise my house. Never felt so lost and silly like I did that day. And to make matters worse, I was out of phone credit and I couldn't call my housemates to ask for directions. I managed to type a strange message "help, lost up the hill. call" but alas the lack of credit lead to the message not being sent. I have this huge fear of dogs and hate walking on streets I'm not familiar with alone, for fear of meeting stray dogs. And there I was, on this new street of mine, with no idea which houses had dogs and whether the dogs were chained inside or not. I walked up the hill with fear. searching with my eyes for any stray dogs and getting ready to run for my life, and at the same time panicking that I had lost my way. I walked past a house with these huge dogs chained inside but barking fiercely at me. I was so scared that I ran past the house up the hill. I reached one house away from the top and there was a dog at the last house. It took me almost an hour to get to the top, and climbing down will be pure torture, and I couldn't check the last house cos a dog was there. The area looked deserted which didn't help my case. I was wondering how I'll go to a random house and ask for help (cos I definitely needed a free car ride down the hill). I had no option and went to one. I knocked on the door and this very hot guy came out of the house. Dang! I didn't expect that. lol. So I explained my predicament to hot guy and he gave me his phone to call my housemate. After making the call, he offered to drop me (finally got the free car ride, didn't have to walk down) down the hill. I'm not one to be attracted to buff and tattooed guys, but this was one exception. On our way down we engaged in a lil conversation. I could tell he was attracted to me too. He dropped me off, I didn't want that to be our last conversation. I felt he wanted to say something, but was holding back for some reason I didn't know at that moment.
Can't believe my last post was over a year ago! Wow! Life has been ayt. A huge plus for me, I finished school early this year! yay! Studying for my board exams. A lot of material to digest its so depressing. :( . I'm back to blogging. Feels good to be back. Ps. blogging anonymously is the best thing ever.
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
But I'm just keeping my distance
Cos my life seems to be complicated right now to me
And I don't want more complications
I have a lot of emotional baggage
And I'm just a young girl
Out there in the world
Trying to figure herself out
And trying to find herself
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
I know, its been a while I blogged. I've just been so lazy to type something. I had a lot of things to blog about but didn't sit down to type them all as they all happened. Hope I'm making sense. lol.
Its been a great year so far and I thank God for it. Is it only me or is this year moving so fast!!! I'm like WOW!!! At this rate, 2009 will be over in a jiffy.
I'm still rocking the singlehood life. yeah its fun. I've gotten over my ex, even though I get sad some times & wish I never met him. Yeah heartbreak is horrible.
And peeps, one advice - LONG DISTANCE HARDLY EVER WORKS OUT, ONLY IN EXCEPTIONAL CASES.
For me, I'm never doing long distance ever again.
Apart from that, life is good.
Guess what?! I have a crush on my registrar(Dr.) in the hospital!!! He's in my medical team and he teaches we (me & 3 other students in my team) lots of stuff.
He's hawt!!!, gorgeous (am i even allowed to use gorgeous for guys? okay good-looking), has the most beautiful eyes ever (my friends "laffed" at me when I said that, but seriously he has luvly eyes), he's soft spoken, very nice, kind, gentle. the other students (guys) admire and respect him. they don't know about my crush. but the annoying thing is when I have a crush on someone I send the wrong vibes by acting shy around them, not talking much, & acting not interested.
HELP!!! I think maybe he likes me. I dunno. Me and my crushes again!!! Mrs CRUSH. lol.
Its pure torture liking someone and acting like u don't like them. I have two more weeks to spend in my present team, and if I don't stop acting all shy & quiet, that might be it.
The funniest part is I tried to give myself reasons to stop the crush but I still have this crush. The reasons I gave myself was that the odds were against us cos :
firstly -- he's atleast 10 yrs older than me but not up to 15 yrs older than me (I used to tell myself I'll only like/date people 2 to 7 yrs older than me)
secondly -- he's from a different country (I used to tell myself I'll only like/date people not just from my country but from my tribe)
thirdly -- he's from a different religion (I used to tell myself I'll only like/date people from my religion and if possible my denomination)
fourthly -- he's divorced (I used to tell myself I'll only like/date people who have never been married)
Okay wot's wrong with me!!! the odds are against us.
But dang!!! Weirdbabe still likes her doctor crush. :-)
I know u guys will say I'm crazy. but my mindset is different now. I'm all about wot works for me or wot makes me happy or who makes me happy. :d
Lets see how the next 2 weeks goes!c
Sunday, 8 February 2009
Trying to find my way
Trying to make it through
Trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel
Trying to make out what life is all about
I know I'm going to find my way
When this earthly life has got me down
I look up above and know God is my guide
So no matter what happens
This girl will always find her way
People come in and out of her life
So she learns to appreciate
Cos life throws us all around the globe
Meeting today, to part tommorrow
And she realises friends come and go
But she'll always have herself
THough he said he'll always love me
I don't think he loved me enough
If you love someone enough, no matter what you were going through at that point in your life,
You'll never push the one you love away and ask for space
That's when you'll need them the most
I saw a comment left by a girl on his fbk pic calling him baby and her profile pic was of her and him (the pic was taken last june...hmmm, thats before he asked for the space)
So I figured maybe he started seeing her that period and came up with the whole story of needing space to focus/sort his life (to ease his guilt)
I ain't that dumb
The amazing thing is that I don't feel jealous
I guess I'm so over him
And if he ever comes back I don't think I'll take him back
We're better off as friends
So I wish him luck in his new r/ship
Right now I have no love life...lol
Just focusing on my studies and getting it over and done with once and for all
I have rules now
First and foremost, no long distance r/ship for me ever AGAIN (notice I capitalised my again...lol)
Where I am is not where I intend settling so I guess I'll keep my eyes closed here cos nothing, not even marriage can make me settle here
And I told myself I'll never love a guy more than he loves me
He'll have to love me more than I love him
He'll have to love me to the extent that I won't have to beg for his love or make efforts for him to act or show his love
It should come naturally
It may seem I'm asking for too much
But marriage is a lifetime thing so I'm willing to wait and pray for the right person
Ladies if a guy asks for space, its a bad sign and just no it might be over.
Sunday, 23 November 2008
I picked up my pen to write,
but the words didn't come,
how does it feel,
When you can't be with the one you love,
words can't express how I feel,
to love him,
but can't be together,
separated by distance and circumstance,
in different continents,
circumstance can change with time,
but When will the distance change.
I'll wait for you I tell him,
Baby, I don't want you to wait for me and at the end we're not together (cos of distance) he tells me,
Move on baby and remember I'll always love and Miss you he tells me,
if we're meant to be together and if its God's will, nothing can change that he tells me.
When circumstances changes and he comes back, and if I'm available then its God's will and we'll be together he tells me,
I agreed to move on cos I didn't want him to feel he was tying me down,
and he didn't want me to be sad,
he told me to take care of myself and always keep in touch,
I will always love him and Miss him,
I agreed to move on
but a part of me is secretly waiting for him
and hoping and praying the distance changes with time,
he's in that phase of a man's life Where he's trying to find himself,
with time I know he will,
I know the only way we can be together with time is if the distance changes,
and I don't know how soon thats going to happen. :(
Sunday, 28 September 2008
I love him with a love I cannot explain
I love him so much you won't understand
Sweet memories of yesterdays still lingers on in my mind
Even though things are complicated
I know I'll always love him no matter what happens
I know true love will stand the test of time
His sweet tenderness
His sweet love
I know we will both triumph in the end
Our love will guide us through
It will all be good in the end
My love I will love you as long as I live
I will wait for you my love
My heart yearns for you
You're the reason I believe in love
Sunday, 17 August 2008
Ten Reasons Why I Tithe
While visiting in a neighborhood near our church, I met a man who responded to my introduction by saying, "Oh, you are the preacher who makes everyone pay ten percent to the church."
"No, you are not talking about me," I replied. "There is no way that I can make people pay ten percent of their wages to the church if they do not wish. I do not have that authority. The people who pay ten percent, or a tithe, of their income do so because they want to."
Why do people tithe to the church? The reasons are many. As I considered my own motivation, I discovered at least ten reasons why I give ten percent of my income to the church. A study of these reasons will help us to understand the great blessing of tithing and the biblical responsibility to tithe.
1.) To Honor the Creator.
"Render. unto God the things that are God's" (Matthew 22:21).
Acquisitiveness is one of the basic drives of mankind. Children grasp their toys and cry, "Mine!" Someone has noted three attitudes in the parable of the good Samaritan. The priest and the Levite had the attitude, "What's mine is mine and I'm going to keep it!" The thieves had the attitude "What's yours is mine, and I'm going to get it!" The Samaritan had the attitude, 'What's mine is yours, and you can have it." There is another attitude that should permeate our thinking, even above the commendable attitude of the Samaritan. That is, "Everything we have belongs to God, and we are stewards of His goods'"
God owns the entire world and its substance. "The earth is the LORD"S, and the fulness thereof" (Psalm 24:1). "Behold, all souls are mine" (Ezekiel 18:4). "The silver is mine, and the gold is mine" (Haggai2:8). It is God who gives people the power to obtain wealth (Psalm 75:6-7; Ecclesiastes 5:19). We are not to glory in what God has given us, but to glory in Him (Jeremiah 9:23-24).
Why should I be grudge God ten percent when everything actually belongs to Him? If it were not for Him, there would be no land, no seed, no strength, no income, and no life. How generous He is to tell us, ""he tithe... is the LORD'S"! (Leviticus 27:30).
2.) To Acknowledge My Heritage.
"And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise" (Galatians 3:29).
Abraham was the first tithe payer of record(Genesis 14:20). Abraham's grandson, Jacob, paid tithes (Genesis 28:22). Scripture says that Levi, Abraham's descendant and the father of the tribe from which the priesthood came, paid tithes in Abraham (Hebrews 7:9). My heritage of paying a tithe precedes the law of Moses. As a child of Abraham and an heir of the promise of Abraham. I acknowledge my family relationship by paying tithes.
Jesus said to the Jews, "If ye were Abraham's children, ye would do the works of Abraham" (John 8:39). It would be strange to claim to be a child of Abraham and yet to neglect one of Abraham's most fundamental and noteworthy acts. I pay my tithes as a spiritual descendant of Abraham, the father of the faithful.
3.) To Fulfill the Covenant.
"For if that which is done away was glorious, much more that which remaineth is glorious" (II Corinthians 3:11).
In every comparison of the law of Moses and the new covenant that came by Jesus Christ, the new covenant stands supreme. The characteristic word in the Book of Hebrews is better, and everything is better about the new covenant. If the law demanded tithes, then how much more should we who are under the "perfect law of liberty" give our tithes willingly. (See James 1:25). If the law is written in the fleshly tables of our hearts and we follow God's commands not from outward rules but because of our new nature, then how quickly and how easily we should give the tenth that belongs to the Lord" (See II Corinthians 3:3-6).
Some people say, "Oh, we do not pay tithes, because tithing was under the law." If that is a sufficient reason for not paying tithes, then we could also mistreat our parents, for the law said, Honour thy father and thy mother" (Exodus 20:12). In actuality, we honor our father and mother and we give our tithes because the principles of the law are written in our hearts by the Spirit of God. We give willingly and liberally because the Spirit motivates us to give what God has said is His.
4.) To Show My Love.
"Many waters cannot quench love" (Song of Solomon 8:7).
Love is the strongest motivation in the world. I have seen bumper stickers that say, "If you love Jesus, honk you horn!" Anyone can honk his horn. But David said, "Neither will I offer.unto the LORD my God of that which doth cost me nothing" (II Samuel 24:24). Someone should print a sticker that says, "If you love Jesus, pay your tithes!"
For someone who genuinely loves the Lord, the tithe is only the beginning of his giving. He gives not only his tithe, but also offerings (plural), not grudgingly and not of necessity, but cheerfully with love.
5.) To Fulfill an Obligation.
"Ye pay tithe.:these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone" (Matthew 23:23). Jesus did not criticize the Pharisees for paying tithes. He commended them. He said it was something they "ought" to have done. The word ought expresses an obligation or duty. It is one of the strongest words in the English language. To pay tithes is something every Christian ought to do.
The word ought has three meanings: (a) obligation or duty; as in, "He ought to pay his debts", (b) desirability; as in, "You ought to eat more slowly", (c) expectancy or probability; as in, "I ought to be through by Monday." Each one of these meanings puts an obligation upon the Christian. It is desirable for him to pay his tithes, he is expected to pay his tithes, and he has a duty to pay his tithes.
6.) To Escape Condemnation.
"Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. in tithes and offerings" (Malachi 3:8).
How sad it is that people who are honest in business and who pay their debts to the bank, the store, and the government will not pay God what belongs to Him! Sometimes people quibble about whether they are "paying" or "giving" tithes, but both terms seem appropriate. The tithe is the Lord's and He expects us to pay it to Him; at the same time, He does not receive it until we give it to Him. He does not give us the authority to use His tithes for other purposes, but we have the power to spend it as long as it is in our hands. Nevertheless, a person is condemned if he spends God's money.
7.) To Spread the Gospel.
"So hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel" (I Corinthians 9:14).
God has ordained for people to be saved by the preaching of the gospel (I Corinthians 1:21). "How shall they hear without a preacher?" (Romans 10:14).
Tithing is God's way of supporting the ministry. In the Old Testament, the Levites and the priest were God's minister to the nation of Israel, and they were supported by tithes. In the New Testament, God has called people to minister the gospel. These ministers can be more effective if they do not have to provide for their livelihood by working on a secular job but can devote themselves full time to the work of God. They need time to give themselves to prayer and to the ministry of the Word.
It is not wrong for a man to labor with his hands, nor should a minister feel too good to engage in honest labor. Yet God's plan is for those who preach the gospel to live of the gospel. When God inspired Moses to write that the people should not put a muzzle on the box that labored, God was not as concerned with the ox as He was with the principle that a laborer should receive his livelihood from his work. The application of this principle is that the minister of the gospel should earn his living from his ministry. (See I Corinthians 9:9-14).
Some ministers have endured financial hardships and deprivation in order to proclaim the gospel in needy areas. If the tithing income insures that the minister can live in a good house, drive a good car, and buy sufficient clothes for his family, why should I begrudge providing these things to a man who would preach the gospel even if he had to work on a secular job to do it? It is a disgrace to a church if the pastor has to take a secular job to supply his family's needs when there should be sufficient tithing income available to allow him to do God's work on a full-time basis. My tithing ca help to spread the gospel.
8.) To Avoid a Curse.
"Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me" (Malachi 3:9).
Someone has said, "You can't outgive God, and you can't outsqueeze Him either."
Some people put their money into "a big with holes" (Haggai 1:6). They do not give God His tithe, bit they eventually spend the money for automobile repairs, medical bills, and a thousand other things that they might have avoided if they had been faithful to God in their giving.
God said that the whole nation of Israel was cursed because they had not given God His due. God asked Israel to dedicate the gold of Jericho to Him, but Achan took a wedge of gold and hid it in a tent. It became a curse to him and his whole family.
I do not want God to curse my blessings. I want to give Him His tithe.
9.) To Enjoy God's Blessing.
"Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse. and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it " (Malachi 3:10). (See also Luke 6:38).
God blesses the people who pay tithes. They do not always have the most money or the best clothes, but they are blessed.
However, I am wary of those who promise, "If you give God a dollar, He will give you back four." The expectation of a return should not be our motivation for giving. And His richest blessings are not necessarily monetary.
But I do want God to notice me and remember me. He noticed that the window put money into the treasury at the Temple. He noticed what Cornelius was giving. He noticed what Israel was not giving. He knows what we give and He notices when we give.
God has asked us to prove Him and see if He will not give us His blessings. I have trusted Him, tested Him, and tried Him, and I have concluded that it is better to give God what belongs to Him.
10.) To Be Consistent.
"Be thou an example of the believers" (I Timothy 4:12).
For most of my ministry. I have lived on tithing income. How could I receive tithes and not pay tithes? I could not do so and be consistent. The Levites, who received tithes, also paid tithes on what they received (Nehemiah 10:38). Preachers who receive tithes should be most faithful to pay them.
Paying tithes will not save a person-everyone must be born again to be saved. But paying tithes will reap a blessing. Genuine Christian not only pay tithes, but they willingly pay tithes.
I made up my mind to start tithing
I brought out my tithes and put it in an envelop
Yesterday 17th August 2008 i took my tithes to church
Gave it to the priest to bless
He blessed it, prayed over it & also prayed for me asking God to bless the giver
I stayed for mass (service) and during offering i dropped it in the offering basket
But before i did, i prayed over my tithes and prophesied great things unto it
I'm just glad that i've started paying my tithes
God has always blessed me
And I know He will bless me in a thousand folds
Have u heard of being embarrased with blessings
Yes I'll be embarrased and bombarded with so many blessings
This is just the beginning
If u don't give tithes just think about it
Don't rob God
Malachi 3:8-9 "Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed Me. But ye say. Wherein have we robbed Thee? In tithes and offerings. Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed Me. even this whole nation."
Malachi 3:10-11 "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in Mine house. and prove Me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts. if I will not open you the windows of heaven. and pour you out a blessing. that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes. and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field. saith the Lord of hosts."
Acts 20:35 "It is more blessed to give than to receive."
Luke 6:38 "Give, and it shall be given unto you."
2 Corinthians 9:6-7 "He which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully. . Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver."
Genesis 28:20-22 "Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on, so that I come again to my father's house in peace; then shall the Lord be my God: and this stone, which I have set for a pillar, shall be God's house: and of all that Thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto Thee."
'Of all that Thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto Thee' (Genesis 28:22)
'The silver is Mine, and the gold is Mine' (Haggai 2:8)
"’The tithe. . is the Lord's.'
Matthew 23:23 "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cumin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone."
"What I spent, I had. What I saved, I lost. And what I gave, I have."
"That man is no fool who parts with what he cannot keep, to get what he cannot lose." Dear friend, pay tithe for the support of the gospel. It is God's way to enrich your life and further the work of His kingdom. He doesn't need your money. But you need His presence and blessing in this great partnership of life.
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
More on this post is coming soon, will update later.
I bind laziness. lol
Finally, I'm about to update. lol
I've formed the habit of not letting the weakest part of me show
My bf and I are cool now
Though its still not like it was but I'm not bothered
We talk like once in a while
He's through with school now and is preparing and studying for the mcat exams
When we started talking again I noticed he was emotionally distant
I didn't comment on that
But after some days I told him I noticed he was emotionally distant and didn't know why
He asked "how do you mean"
I told him I didn't know how but it just felt that way
He said he knows and that it was for the best for now
It made me wonder if exams and situations are emotionally draining or what
But the thing that amazes me is that I'm not even bothered or hurt
I'm not so crazy about him as before
Last month and the whole break thing put me through so much hurt, torture and pain that it made me stronger and a bit hardenned
I just let him be, more like I hardly contact him, when he comes to his senses he'll behave
I'm just enjoying my life and other blessings of life
I dream too much and work at it, and recently one of my dreams just came true
Things just click
I have many things to keep me busy
The difference between now and last month is that now I don't think, or wish or cry or bother myself about him
Whatever will be will be
I'll never let him see the weakest me
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Lots of contributions were made by everyone and we read so many bible passages regarding this topic.
It made me realise that I had never paid my tithes ever since I was born, and thats like robbing from God
I'm a catholic and i've never had the importance of this topic stressed before, i'm not trying to raise anything controversial here so plsssssssss don't attack me
We had so many arguments on whether Tithes was meant for only those working or also for students, and we agreed that as a student we receive money from parents or other sources so thats also an earning
We also argued whether the money to get our tithes from included our house rent money or bills, I was like we're not working yet so it doesn't make sense removing from ur rent or bills cos thats the same thing as removing from ur tuition fees & thats insane, God understands all and for now it includes our pocket money, when we start working we can remove from all that
God blesses us abundantly, but I also that those who paid their tithes got theirs in a thousand folds
And I made up my mind that from this onwards I'll always pay my tithes and give atleast 1/10th o f my earnings/pocket money
I can't believe i've been robbing God all this while, God forgive me!
Well our God is ever loving and ever forgiving
I want to ask you this question
Have you paid or do you pay your Tithes?
Sunday, 10 August 2008
Decided to start blogging about life in general instead of only on my love life
I visit other blogs but i'm always too lazy to leave comments, but from now on i'll leave comments
And i'll also start replying to comments on my blog posts
Laziness is bad o. lol. right now i'm even lazy to think of what to write
Sometimes i want to blog but either laziness or blogger's block happens
Wanted to blog about paying ur tithes yesterday but oga laziness struck again
Thursday, 7 August 2008
The break/space is off
Though things are not like it used to be but it'll get better in time
This past month was a period of transition for me
It was a period of self discovery & it made me stronger
It was a period when I became my own best friend
It was a period where I learnt a lot of things about myself
It was a period where I smiled a lot and looked like everything was okay with me while I was tearing up inside
More like not letting anybody see my weakness
I guess things happen for a reason
And I actually gave him his space this past month
I remember that moment he told me, I couldn't breathe
This past moment was a period where I was confused and wondered if we were really over or if it was just for a while
I guess the latter was the case
I'll watch and see what happens as time goes on
The saying "let someone free, if he's truly yours he'll surely come back to you"
And he has come back to me
Right now I'm listening to Mariah Carey's "butterfly"
But things are good now
I don't think I can be any more hurt than I was last month
It just made me a stronger person
Anything that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger
I appreciate what happened cos I spent lots of time alone with myself and got more insights on a lot of things
And I spent a lot of time meditating on life in general
And its kinda funny that last month was when tons of guys decided to flirt with me
But I didn't flirt back
I had him on my mind all the time
Oh my! I'm such a faithful boon
Well its good, that means my future husband will have nothing to worry about
But he better be faithful too, cos I can't tolerate cheating
Monday, 21 July 2008
I sent it to him as a post, but its been more than a week he saw it
Well we text once in a while
We texted two days ago and boy did we sound like total strangers
Before the post we sounded like good friends
And after the post we're now like strangers
I dunno if the post was too harsh or if I over reacted
Don't like the fact that we sound like strangers
I'm kinda excited, can't wait to go on my mini vacation
And take my mind off everything
Its beach time! where are my bikinis. lol
Will just have fun and enjoy my life
I deserve it
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Wow time sure flies.
I just want to thank my blog family for all your love, advice, concern and support.
You guys have been trully amazing.
The crying has stopped, I'm beginning to sleep again which is a good sign.
The eating has not been very good but its improving
Been having workshops in church throughout this week in the evenings
And that has helped too
I got to mix with middle aged and elderly people mostly women and it has given me a fresher perspective to life
I'm much better now
Been doing things to keep me happy, smiling and laughing
Even though sometimes I just pause and miss him
Its funny but I still love him and will always love him
I guess he left his footprints on my heart
That is love for you o
I've just been working on different aspects of my life
Working on personal issues
I'm loving life and appreciating my family more
Cos my family will always be there for me and will never wake up one day and tell me they need space
When we go through a crisis we go through it together
My parents taught me great values and I'll always appreciate that
They're the best (I'm talking about immediate family not extended family)
Right now I'm just going to be single for a long while and focus on other things
Until proven fresh
Will head next week to another place very very far from where I live, more like a different country for three days
More like a breathe of fresh air
I'm holding up cos I'm a survivor,
And the mischievous and prankster part of me that I suppressed for more than a year cos I thought it was childish, is beginning to resurface again
I'm adding the flavor back to my life. lol
All the fun and craziness. lol
I'll just be myself
Thanks my blog family
You guys are the best
One love. Peace.
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Its been 12 days since he told me the sad news.
I'm a lot better now. No more crying, the only problem I have is sleeping. The earliest I sleep is 4 or 5a.m. But I guess that will get better in time. We still text once in a while but that space is still there.
A Wise Girl Kisses But Doesn't Love, Listens But Doesn't Believe, And Leaves Before She Is Left.
Life is a biatch and shit happens.
All I know is I won't love with my whole heart next time even if he comes back. They say love is blind but my love now has double lense o. I aint getting hurt next time.
I just miss the old times and him. Well like I said shit happens.
It will take some time for me to fully trust and love again. Even if I do love or partially trust, I'll have it in my head that the dude can wake up one morning and decides he needs space or wants to leave me for no reason. I guess some spoil it for the others.
I don't blame my sister for being hardened when it comes to matters of the heart. As women we all have to protect our hearts since we're the softer ones.
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
"I want to be alone (single) and sort things out in my life"
The words stung like a bee
My heart broke in a million pieces
My mind went crazy
I wondered a lot
A lot of emotions flowed through
Cos I didn't see this coming
I didn't hear from you three days before you told me this
I worried whether you were okay
Not knowing you were doing a lot of thinking
And wondering how to tell me the sad news
Not wanting me to hurt
But it hurt so badly I couldn't breathe
When you told me you had something to tell me and ask me
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach
I had a bad feeling about what you were about to say
And you confirmed my worse fears
My april fools' joke on you backfired on me
But this time it was not a joke
It was real
After you broke the sad news
I couldn't eat for four days
I cried my eyes out
I lay in misery as the reality of it all sank in
I did not understand
I needed answers
I wondered a lot
I wondered what I did wrong
I wondered whether I nagged a lot
Or whether you were tired of me
I just wondered why it had to be like this
I did not see the signs
You said I was not loosing you
But you also said I should live like I was single
You said you still love me and will always love me
Then why are you hurting me
Our one year anniversary was supposed to be in three days time
But I guess its our unhappy anniversary
I thought it was supposed to be through thick and thin together no matter what
Through the good and the bad times
Someday I will understand
It is said
If its yours, it will surely come back to you
I'll move on with my life
But if you're truly mine you'll come back to me
I'm trying to get on
Facing the reality that there's no you and me anymore
You said we're still good friends
And that you're always here for me
Sometimes I lie awake and drive myself crazy thinking of you
I don't sleep these days, the earliest I sleep is 4 or 5a.m
Sometimes I just grab my phone
And want to text or call you
But I restrain myself from doing so
Cos I want to give all the much space you said you needed
It's not going to be easy
But I'll survive cos I'm a survivor
Things happen to make us stronger
So I'll come out of it a lot stronger and hardened and toughened
You said when you sort things out
And if I'm still single you'll work your way back to me
You'll have a lot of work to do
Cos it will take some time for me to trust and love again
You said its not heartbreak but it sure feels like one
I'm picking up the pieces of my broken heart
All I do is listen to sad love songs
I started eating again a few days ago
Cos I lost weight and energy
I feel a little bitter
I don't know why
But it sure hurts like hell
But I'm getting on fine
I'm learning to love and understand myself more and more
I am my own best friend
Focusing on other aspects of my life
Trying to keep myself busy
So I won't have a moment to pause and feel the pain and hurt
Trying to get my mind off it
But it keeps coming back to me
Need to get out of my present surroundings
Feel like going to a mountain top
And screaming at the top of my voice
A lot keeps going through my mind
Wondering when a guy asks for space, what he's really trying to say
What space really means if you're far away from him
I guess I'll never understand the male psychology
I know I'll be fine
I'll look back on this and smile
Knowing someday I'll understand
And hope for the best in the end
If you Love something set it free, if it comes back it's yours forever, if it doesn't it was never meant to be"
God knows best
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
""hey just wanted to ask you what if I just wanted to be alone (single) and just work out some things in my life, what will you think about it and feel about it""
he's finishing his first degree in august & wants to get into med school, & he's taking the mcat by dec. he's hoping everything will be sorted out by dec, jan, or feb.
and he's saying he needs some space for a while, but dec, jan, or feb are like in 6-8 months time and that's not a while. i'm really hurt cos i didn't see this coming, and we're not in the same place so i'm wondering whether i'm a distraction to him, but he says i'm not.
he asked what my plan was, and whether i'll wait for him or wait for him and still be open. i said i'll wait for him. he said he still loves me and will always love me, and i can call or text him anything that he's always here for me.
i've just been crying my eyes out since ynite and my eyes are already swollen. i'm hurting deeply.
What do u think of the situation? for him to ask for space and time, is that a sign or way of breaking up with me. he says he's not breaking up with me that its only for a while. 6-8 months is not a while. i can wait for him as long as he comes back to me. what do u think. what if he finds someone else.
he was supposed to come and visit me this august or september after he graduates and now he's saying all these. i don't understand. if he tells me he can't make it here in august or sept i'll understand, but to tell me he needs space to sort his life out, and career and future.
i'm just so confused. should i wait for him? is there any sign that he's backing out of the r/ship that way?
the whole thing makes me hate love, and wishing i never met him. last month was our 11th month anniversary and 13th of this month was supposed to be our one year anniversary. i've not heard from him today. the reality is sinking in in my head. pls advice me.
Friday, 13 June 2008
I had never been in a long distance r/ship before and didn't know what it felt like. The first few months were not easy. We both had depressing moments cos we missed each other so much. Being in a long distance r/ship is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Seriously, its so hard. Sometimes I just felt like going crazy. It hurts so much cos I can't be in his arms when I want to and I can't see him when I want to. During those first few months, I brought up fights for no reason for more attention. I'm not the type of person that talks with female friends abt boyfriends and my r/ships. So the website justanswer.com helped cos they have r/ship experts there. And I also ordered books on long distance r/ships and c.ds and tapes, especially the ones by Stephen Blake. The r/ship experts were really helpful, that and the books plus communicating my feelings to my bf helped me survive those months. The books helped me realise I wasn't the only one in a long distance r/ship (ldr) and there were thousands of couples going through the same thing. It felt kind of comforting reading comments of other fellow ldr women, it assured me I wasn't crazy. The road has not been easy but he's worth it. On april 1st I played an expensive joke on him by calling him and telling him i didn't think we were going to work. He asked why and I didn't give a good reason, I just cut the phone and this was early in the moorning & my call woke him up. He was in shock and was too weak to even call me back. I called back in 30 mins time and told him it was an april fools joke. He was so relieved but said it was too expensive. I apologised for that, cos if he had played that joke on me I would have just passed out. It was damn too expensive.
So why would people think i'm strong/crazy? That's cos we haven't seen in these 11 months (though he'll visit in a few months time and I'm so excited) but yet the love is still there. Some of my male friends are like how do I know if he's seeing or not seeing someone else where is. Well that's where trust comes in and he has never given me reason to doubt him. the 3 keys to a lasting r/ship whether ldr or close ones: Trust, Communication, and Committment. And we have 3 of them in our r/ship. We don't call each other a lot cos of bills but we have our other unique ways of communicating (when he visits, we'll address the calling aspect cos it sure has to improve).
11 months and still counting, and the love keeps getting stronger. Next month will make it a year and he's still the one I love.
We've made it this far and we hope we'll work but only time would tell. I like people easily but I don't allow myself to fall in love easily, and when I do, I don't fall out of it, but if it goes wrong I just let go. But I hate heartbreaks cos I have a fragile heart and God knows if I get heartbroken I wont love easily again and can even block my heart from loving anybody again. Hey but so far so good.
Our parents both know about us. His parents knew from the start and were pleased at the r/ship. With time I told my mum,and also told my dad a few months back. My friends thimk I'm brave cos they can never tell their parents directly about their r/ships or who they're dating especially their dads. But I came out straight and told them. Funny enough they were cool with it cos they know his family and said I was old enouh for a r/ship.
There's this chart about the male brain which contrasted with the female brain chart. The anniversary part of the male brain is very tiny but the sex initiator part is very huge. Ha. While the anniversary part for the female brain was huge and the sex initiator part small. A day before each of our monthly anniversaries I always remembered and sent anniversary mssgs first. I always beat him to it. Today (our 11th anniv.) I decided I wont be the first to say it. I kept checking my mail and my phone but got nothing from him. I was like I'd wait till 12a.m and if I still don't hear from him it would be a good excuse to bring up a fight (I love small fights cos it brings us closer, but most of the fights were brought up by me and most times were for no tangible reasons, we hardly fought cos he was so quick to apologise and I can't stay mad at him for long). My hand couldn't wait till 12a.m, so I texted him and told him he forgot me and our day only to find out he didnt forget me or our day but was in school all day & had just finished. My reason to bring up a fight had gone, my finger couldn't wait. lol. He hardly gets angry or mad and that's one of the things I love about him. When he upsets and I tell myself I wont talk to him for days, my heart can't even stay an extra day till we talk about it , and I end up not keeping my resolve not to talk to him. That's what makes me different from my sister. She's so hardenned while I'm so soft. I sometimes wish I was a bit hardenned. But I guess my soft side is what makes me a sweet and lovable person. My sis can be mean to her bf, when they fight she can stay a week without talking to him. I can't do that. I'll just die or go crazy. This love self.
My man is coming to visit and I can't wait for him to come. I'm so excited. We have our height differences. he's about 1 foot taller than me. I guess that's cute. He can lift me up easily. I just hope I don't get knocked up cos I ain't ready for that now. that's double precautions. lol.
Wish us luck.
Your comments will be welcomed.
Thursday, 1 May 2008
Wednesday, 30 April 2008
First i'm not used to staying with people or relations, and worse of all i'm related to the man not the woman. I think i'll free better or more free if i'm related to the woman. y'all feel me on that.
You know he woman is the boss of the house. Anything i ask my uncle he says ask his wife. I'm like woah!!! is that what marriage is all about? its more like he's scared of her or cannot make decisions on his own. I guess maybe its for peace in his house. Well next time before i visit a relative, i 'll make sure i'm free with their wives if i'm related to the man. I just cant wait to leave. Its not like se's mean or whatever but i just dont feel free with her. I've never even met them before now maybe thats why.
Have you ever been in one?
I'm in one right now and i tell you its so hard but we're still holding on.
Its almost 10 months now and we've not seen. It hurts sooo much.
I guess it will be worth it in the end. Sometimes its just depressing. I just coil up and wish i was in his arms. When i miss him i just cry. This is one of the hardest things i've experienced in my life. Hopefully we'll get through it and have a wonderful story to tell.
Has this ever happened to you? You go to a club and you're over 21, but because you have a baby face you're asked to step aside and present an i.d. You see kids under 21 entering without being asked for an i.d.
I guess its a disadvantage of having a baby face.
The advantage is you'll age gracefully.
Thats it for now.