You said you needed space

As you said the words
"I want to be alone (single) and sort things out in my life"
The words stung like a bee
My heart broke in a million pieces
My mind went crazy
I wondered a lot
A lot of emotions flowed through
Cos I didn't see this coming

I didn't hear from you three days before you told me this
I worried whether you were okay
Not knowing you were doing a lot of thinking
And wondering how to tell me the sad news
Not wanting me to hurt
But it hurt so badly I couldn't breathe

When you told me you had something to tell me and ask me
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach
I had a bad feeling about what you were about to say
And you confirmed my worse fears
My april fools' joke on you backfired on me
But this time it was not a joke
It was real

After you broke the sad news
I couldn't eat for four days
I cried my eyes out
I lay in misery as the reality of it all sank in
I did not understand
I needed answers

I wondered a lot
I wondered what I did wrong
I wondered whether I nagged a lot
Or whether you were tired of me
I just wondered why it had to be like this
I did not see the signs

You said I was not loosing you
But you also said I should live like I was single
You said you still love me and will always love me
Then why are you hurting me
Our one year anniversary was supposed to be in three days time
But I guess its our unhappy anniversary
I thought it was supposed to be through thick and thin together no matter what
Through the good and the bad times
Someday I will understand

It is said
If its yours, it will surely come back to you
I'll move on with my life
But if you're truly mine you'll come back to me

I'm trying to get on
Facing the reality that there's no you and me anymore
You said we're still good friends
And that you're always here for me
Sometimes I lie awake and drive myself crazy thinking of you
I don't sleep these days, the earliest I sleep is 4 or 5a.m
Sometimes I just grab my phone
And want to text or call you
But I restrain myself from doing so
Cos I want to give all the much space you said you needed

It's not going to be easy
But I'll survive cos I'm a survivor
Things happen to make us stronger
So I'll come out of it a lot stronger and hardened and toughened

You said when you sort things out
And if I'm still single you'll work your way back to me
You'll have a lot of work to do
Cos it will take some time for me to trust and love again
You said its not heartbreak but it sure feels like one
I'm picking up the pieces of my broken heart
All I do is listen to sad love songs

I started eating again a few days ago
Cos I lost weight and energy
I feel a little bitter
I don't know why
But it sure hurts like hell
But I'm getting on fine
I'm learning to love and understand myself more and more
I am my own best friend
Focusing on other aspects of my life
Trying to keep myself busy
So I won't have a moment to pause and feel the pain and hurt

Trying to get my mind off it
But it keeps coming back to me
Need to get out of my present surroundings
Feel like going to a mountain top
And screaming at the top of my voice

A lot keeps going through my mind
Wondering when a guy asks for space, what he's really trying to say
What space really means if you're far away from him
I guess I'll never understand the male psychology
I know I'll be fine
I'll look back on this and smile
Knowing someday I'll understand
And hope for the best in the end

If you Love something set it free, if it comes back it's yours forever, if it doesn't it was never meant to be"

God knows best