Friday, 13 June 2008

11th month anniversary and still counting

What do you think about long distance r/ships? People think I'm crazy, some say I'm strong, and wish me luck. You must be wondering why? Well today was my 11th month anniversary with my bf. We were family friends during our childhood days till everyone moved out and lost touch. We met last year on one of the social networking sites. After days/weeks of long chats and phone calls (and secret admiration by both of us) it clicked. he asked me to be his girl, I liked him so I said yes. The only hitch was that we were in different countries and we both knew that from the start, so we knew we would have some challenges. Before we hooked up I had crossed out dating/ r/ships off my list cos I had some experiences in the past and thought I was unlucky in love.
I had never been in a long distance r/ship before and didn't know what it felt like. The first few months were not easy. We both had depressing moments cos we missed each other so much. Being in a long distance r/ship is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Seriously, its so hard. Sometimes I just felt like going crazy. It hurts so much cos I can't be in his arms when I want to and I can't see him when I want to. During those first few months, I brought up fights for no reason for more attention. I'm not the type of person that talks with female friends abt boyfriends and my r/ships. So the website helped cos they have r/ship experts there. And I also ordered books on long distance r/ships and c.ds and tapes, especially the ones by Stephen Blake. The r/ship experts were really helpful, that and the books plus communicating my feelings to my bf helped me survive those months. The books helped me realise I wasn't the only one in a long distance r/ship (ldr) and there were thousands of couples going through the same thing. It felt kind of comforting reading comments of other fellow ldr women, it assured me I wasn't crazy. The road has not been easy but he's worth it. On april 1st I played an expensive joke on him by calling him and telling him i didn't think we were going to work. He asked why and I didn't give a good reason, I just cut the phone and this was early in the moorning & my call woke him up. He was in shock and was too weak to even call me back. I called back in 30 mins time and told him it was an april fools joke. He was so relieved but said it was too expensive. I apologised for that, cos if he had played that joke on me I would have just passed out. It was damn too expensive.
So why would people think i'm strong/crazy? That's cos we haven't seen in these 11 months (though he'll visit in a few months time and I'm so excited) but yet the love is still there. Some of my male friends are like how do I know if he's seeing or not seeing someone else where is. Well that's where trust comes in and he has never given me reason to doubt him. the 3 keys to a lasting r/ship whether ldr or close ones: Trust, Communication, and Committment. And we have 3 of them in our r/ship. We don't call each other a lot cos of bills but we have our other unique ways of communicating (when he visits, we'll address the calling aspect cos it sure has to improve).
11 months and still counting, and the love keeps getting stronger. Next month will make it a year and he's still the one I love.

We've made it this far and we hope we'll work but only time would tell. I like people easily but I don't allow myself to fall in love easily, and when I do, I don't fall out of it, but if it goes wrong I just let go. But I hate heartbreaks cos I have a fragile heart and God knows if I get heartbroken I wont love easily again and can even block my heart from loving anybody again. Hey but so far so good.
Our parents both know about us. His parents knew from the start and were pleased at the r/ship. With time I told my mum,and also told my dad a few months back. My friends thimk I'm brave cos they can never tell their parents directly about their r/ships or who they're dating especially their dads. But I came out straight and told them. Funny enough they were cool with it cos they know his family and said I was old enouh for a r/ship.
There's this chart about the male brain which contrasted with the female brain chart. The anniversary part of the male brain is very tiny but the sex initiator part is very huge. Ha. While the anniversary part for the female brain was huge and the sex initiator part small. A day before each of our monthly anniversaries I always remembered and sent anniversary mssgs first. I always beat him to it. Today (our 11th anniv.) I decided I wont be the first to say it. I kept checking my mail and my phone but got nothing from him. I was like I'd wait till 12a.m and if I still don't hear from him it would be a good excuse to bring up a fight (I love small fights cos it brings us closer, but most of the fights were brought up by me and most times were for no tangible reasons, we hardly fought cos he was so quick to apologise and I can't stay mad at him for long). My hand couldn't wait till 12a.m, so I texted him and told him he forgot me and our day only to find out he didnt forget me or our day but was in school all day & had just finished. My reason to bring up a fight had gone, my finger couldn't wait. lol. He hardly gets angry or mad and that's one of the things I love about him. When he upsets and I tell myself I wont talk to him for days, my heart can't even stay an extra day till we talk about it , and I end up not keeping my resolve not to talk to him. That's what makes me different from my sister. She's so hardenned while I'm so soft. I sometimes wish I was a bit hardenned. But I guess my soft side is what makes me a sweet and lovable person. My sis can be mean to her bf, when they fight she can stay a week without talking to him. I can't do that. I'll just die or go crazy. This love self.
My man is coming to visit and I can't wait for him to come. I'm so excited. We have our height differences. he's about 1 foot taller than me. I guess that's cute. He can lift me up easily. I just hope I don't get knocked up cos I ain't ready for that now. that's double precautions. lol.
Wish us luck.
Your comments will be welcomed.


Babawilly said...

Hi, Thanks for stopping by. This long distance relationship situation can be hard. Even 'face to face' relationships have their own problems. Faults and habits get magnified. Its hard, from every which way you look at it
I wish you all the best

WeirdGurl said...

yes I agree with you its really hard.
Time will tell our fate.
Thanks anyways.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Big ups for keeping a long distance relationship this long! It takes a lot of hard work that you have clearly been doing. Mad props! Look forward to hearing more about your relationship cuz I kinda like this guy-and vice versa but just dont know bout this long distance thing. Were in the same country at least. Oh well!
Nice blog! Will be back:-)

NigerianDramaQueen said...

PS: Stop picking fights to get attention sweety:-)LOL

Anonymous said...

i have done r/ship be but at least we started dating in u try o!

love ur blog

WeirdGurl said...

@ nigeriandramaqueen tanx. u guys are in the same country so it should be much easier. u don't have to fly to visit him. goodluck to u too. will update more with time.
lol at stop picking fights to get attention. i've reduced it. it was worse before, i was advised by a r/ship expert on that it wasn't good and doesn't help the r/ship since its long distance. So I made a conscious effort to stop it and also told my bf that I brought up fights on purpose to get more attention but will stop it.

WeirdGurl said...

@ pink-satin tanx. na God dey give me strength o.

Tairebabs said...

rushing off to work now but i will definately be back to read this post cos in a couple of months, am going to be in a long distance relationship.

Standtall said...

Happy annversiry mi-lady. I beleive long distance relationship can work. It all depends on the mindset of the pple involved plus endurance of course.

It is easier if you add links of the url that you want pple to visit e.g the you tube by adding the link to your posting. U will get to do that by adding the link while you are composing ur post. "Add link"is at the top of ur compose box. I hope this is helpful. (Don't worry, I know it is unsolicited help).
I love Shania Twain song!!!

And my request: you don't really have to leave ur url on our blogs. Just put your comment in a way that will show you have read our postings too. Like you left "happy father's day" on my post when I wasn't even talking about father's day!!! You are sure weird mi-lady (lol)

Jayjazzy said...

Sweetie, i think i know how u feel cos am in one. Although we re in the same country we re thousand so miles apart and it hurts sometimes but u never know, sometimes it makes the heart fonder, ve been in my own long distance relationship 4 2 years and although we see occasionally but its not the same. it ll get better no worries

AlooFar said...

Nice blog ;)

princesa said...

Wish you all the best in your relationship dear.

Dammy said...

I can relate with how you are feeling at the moment because I am also in a long distance relationship and we have been in this for THREE YEARS NOW!
It was really very hard for us at first but true love would always prevail. Just like every other relationship we had our up's and down's. There were times when things got so bad that we almost broke up cos the distance was killing us and almost tearing us apart but we both know that what we share was quite rare and we held on to our love for each other. And not until march this year, after three good years of being loving each other from afar, we met in person and it was one of those most fulfilling moments of our lives! You know how it feels when a hero in a movie scales through several life threatening obstacles and finally gets to win the battle? That was how it felt! We were so happy we found each other and we couldn't just leave eachother's presence for the period of days she was here.

Just make sure you both get acquainted to each other's family and try as much as possible to form a bond with member of his family.

Trust is also vital in long distance relationship. This is not to say that sometimes you won't have your insecurities but don't let anything bother you. Just make sure you truly know and understand the other person!

I wish you best of luck in your relationship!

I am so happy for you!

Thanks for stopping by my blog

Anonymous said...

Once I thought long distance relationship couldnt survive but now that I am in a VERY long distant relationship I now know that LDR works. People too thought I was crazy and now that I have met him and plastered him everywhere they now know that we are for real.
HMMMM, your story sounds a bit like mine. Didnt it feel good saying "yes" I have dated in long distance relationships but I have never dated internationally. Being this far apart will in some sense put an encumbrance on any relationship. If you are truly in love then no obstacle would stand in your way.
I am laughing at the fact that you said that you brought up fights for no reason, hey are we thinking alike. I make arguements as well but it is only because I miss him so much and I get insecure. Just take it easy with him and make sure that you pray each and every night. One day you will be able to enjoy each others company everyday. (( well I am hoping to get

SPEECHgirl Bucknor said...

oh sweetie, this is so heartbreakingly cute
i cd relate to loads of bits
never been in a long distance relationship but there was a peroid in my life when i kept meeting people and then they wd travel
i might have tried the distance thing if they had asked

then i recently re-met the love of my life
he is all the way in czech republic
i might have considred it if he had asked oh
riht now, loving them in the same zip code, but i felt so many other thinsg u said

thanks for sharing with us love and keep ur head up
i will say a prayer for u tonight

Lady Koko said...



wow, 11 months. congrats to you both. I am sure it isn't easy but it looks like you guys are putting in the necessary work.

Best of luck.

lindwee said...

I am looking foward to a long distance R/ship....

Tairebabs said...

Am back, finally read this post. Glad you talked about most of the things that had me worried. You see I will be going for my masters in a bit and will be leaving my bf behind. Scares me. But like you said, the important things are Trust, Communication, and Committment. Let's see shall we.

Anonymous said...

BLOGVILLE IDOL 08 is coming soon..please check my blog for more details

LG said...

best wishes swerry
u deserve it na, *winks*

Ms.O said... am doing the same thing right now..we been dating now for 7 months. its so hard sometimes like right now. we havent seen each other in 3 months now, and we wont for the next 2. am so tired. its soo hard. but yet I know why am still in it. Am gonna visit here to see how u doing it. be strong babes.

wellsbaba said...

I'm so so happy...I dnt like long distant relationships n I've lost wonderful relationships just bcos i broke whenever either of us was travellin4good...i always wonder am I doing d right thing?but i just dnt like distant relationships,u dnt see person,u hav to do alot of calling n commitment,it causes alot of friction e.t.c i dunno advice me cos im running away frm another girl i like cos I no I would soon travel

Anonymous said...


NaijaBabe said...

Awww this is soo sweet, and yo havent seen him in 11 months. You are both brave. He sounds like a really nice guy and you, an even nicer person. I'm sure he's glad to have you.
Good luck girl

OluwaDee said...

babe! u r not crazy oh. Brave is more like it.

Been in an LDR 4 years now, n we r gonna b married n live together in a matter of days.
A lot of my friends r also in LDR's, n most r getting married in a few months.

As u said like any other r'ship LDR's require trust, commitment n communication.

I wish u all the best.