I like my crush but

I like him
But I'm just keeping my distance
Cos my life seems to be complicated right now to me
And I don't want more complications
I have a lot of emotional baggage
And I'm just a young girl
Out there in the world
Trying to figure herself out
And trying to find herself

Weirdbabe is back to blogsville in full force & okay I have a CRUSH

Hi blogsville.
I know, its been a while I blogged. I've just been so lazy to type something. I had a lot of things to blog about but didn't sit down to type them all as they all happened. Hope I'm making sense. lol.
Its been a great year so far and I thank God for it. Is it only me or is this year moving so fast!!! I'm like WOW!!! At this rate, 2009 will be over in a jiffy.
I'm still rocking the singlehood life. yeah its fun. I've gotten over my ex, even though I get sad some times & wish I never met him. Yeah heartbreak is horrible.
And peeps, one advice - LONG DISTANCE HARDLY EVER WORKS OUT, ONLY IN EXCEPTIONAL CASES.
For me, I'm never doing long distance ever again.
Apart from that, life is good.
Guess what?! I have a crush on my registrar(Dr.) in the hospital!!! He's in my medical team and he teaches we (me & 3 other students in my team) lots of stuff.
He's hawt!!!, gorgeous (am i even allowed to use gorgeous for guys? okay good-looking), has the most beautiful eyes ever (my friends "laffed" at me when I said that, but seriously he has luvly eyes), he's soft spoken, very nice, kind, gentle. the other students (guys) admire and respect him. they don't know about my crush. but the annoying thing is when I have a crush on someone I send the wrong vibes by acting shy around them, not talking much, & acting not interested.
HELP!!! I think maybe he likes me. I dunno. Me and my crushes again!!! Mrs CRUSH. lol.
Its pure torture liking someone and acting like u don't like them. I have two more weeks to spend in my present team, and if I don't stop acting all shy & quiet, that might be it.
The funniest part is I tried to give myself reasons to stop the crush but I still have this crush. The reasons I gave myself was that the odds were against us cos :

firstly -- he's atleast 10 yrs older than me but not up to 15 yrs older than me (I used to tell myself I'll only like/date people 2 to 7 yrs older than me)
secondly -- he's from a different country (I used to tell myself I'll only like/date people not just from my country but from my tribe)
thirdly -- he's from a different religion (I used to tell myself I'll only like/date people from my religion and if possible my denomination)
fourthly -- he's divorced (I used to tell myself I'll only like/date people who have never been married)

Okay wot's wrong with me!!! the odds are against us.
But dang!!! Weirdbabe still likes her doctor crush. :-)

I know u guys will say I'm crazy. but my mindset is different now. I'm all about wot works for me or wot makes me happy or who makes me happy. :d

Lets see how the next 2 weeks goes!c

On my journey of "this life"

On my journey of life
Trying to find my way
Trying to make it through
Trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel
Trying to make out what life is all about

I know I'm going to find my way
When this earthly life has got me down
I look up above and know God is my guide
So no matter what happens
This girl will always find her way

People come in and out of her life
So she learns to appreciate
Cos life throws us all around the globe
Meeting today, to part tommorrow
And she realises friends come and go

But she'll always have herself

I'M SO OVER HIM (31/01/09) 10:22PM

I just realised he did not love me enough
THough he said he'll always love me
I don't think he loved me enough
If you love someone enough, no matter what you were going through at that point in your life,
You'll never push the one you love away and ask for space
That's when you'll need them the most
I saw a comment left by a girl on his fbk pic calling him baby and her profile pic was of her and him (the pic was taken last june...hmmm, thats before he asked for the space)
So I figured maybe he started seeing her that period and came up with the whole story of needing space to focus/sort his life (to ease his guilt)
I ain't that dumb
The amazing thing is that I don't feel jealous
I guess I'm so over him
And if he ever comes back I don't think I'll take him back
We're better off as friends
So I wish him luck in his new r/ship
Right now I have no love life...lol
Just focusing on my studies and getting it over and done with once and for all
I have rules now
First and foremost, no long distance r/ship for me ever AGAIN (notice I capitalised my again...lol)
Where I am is not where I intend settling so I guess I'll keep my eyes closed here cos nothing, not even marriage can make me settle here
And I told myself I'll never love a guy more than he loves me
He'll have to love me more than I love him
He'll have to love me to the extent that I won't have to beg for his love or make efforts for him to act or show his love
It should come naturally
It may seem I'm asking for too much
But marriage is a lifetime thing so I'm willing to wait and pray for the right person

Ladies if a guy asks for space, its a bad sign and just no it might be over.